Dec. 8 Advent Calendar: This is why we can’t have nice things

-HANDGUIDE FOR MOLDING OF A SOCIALLY WELL ADJUSTED HUMAN-


“An excerpt from Chapter-3: Nice Things”

Sometimes, things that are nice, or more frequently, expensive (the two often go hand in hand), become unserviceable due to misuse. In other words:

Sometimes nice things break.

This is a shame because nice things, are usually nice.

However, nice things are not nice when they break. This is because things (even if they are not of the nice variety) lose value when they break. Value has a good deal to do with price, price has a good deal to do with expense, and as said before, high expense and general niceness go hand in hand; as one goes up, so will the other, and as one goes down, that’s right, the other goes down too. So, if a nice thing breaks, the value, and therefore, expensiveness, of the nice thing goes down. The lower the expensiveness, the lower the niceness.*

Nice things are also fragile.

In fact, 82% of nice things are highly fragile. The other 18% are not fragile, but owners believe that because their things are nice, they must be fragile. Do not correct the owners if they wrongly believe that their nice things are fragile. If you do, in increase the chance of a class II confrontation by 37%, and unintentional offense by 16%.

As discussed in the previous section, you should collect as many nice things as possible. Nice things increase your Social Value. Your Social Value is very important. When you have collected nice things, you should always keep them in a safe place. The safe place should protect your nice things to an adequate capacity, befitting of the things level of niceness. Nice things should always be visible, even while in a safe place, otherwise nobody will be able see your nice things. If nobody sees your nice things, they do not exist, and are not valuable. Things that do not exist do not improve your Social Value. Maintaining high Social Value is very important. Social Value is very important. So, you must always be sure your nice things are in a visible and secure safe place.

*Sometimes nice things are not expensive, or perhaps even free. The problem with these things is most people will not believe that they are actually nice. If they do not believe your things are actually nice, they will not express approval or admiration of you or your nice thing. You are a human, so you need approval and admiration of you and your things to feel good. Approval and admiration also improve your Social Value. Social Value is very important.

Dec. 6 Advent Calendar: The one song that always makes me cry

I’m entirely not sure why, but Neil Young’s ‘Old Man’ always makes me tear up. I wish I could say how it does this to me, but I can’t put my finger on it exactly. I’m not sure why Neil Young wrote the song; as far as I know, it’s about an an old groundskeeper that lived on a ranch he owned in California. Basically it’s not a particularly special piece of music according to Mr. Young. For me, it’s the most moving piece of music I have ever heard. Here’s video:

It makes me sad, almost depressed, but I think it just a special type of sad; the type of sad that you feel when you look at a sad thing. It’s the type of sad that comes from seeing something that once meant something to you in a dilapidated state. You look on, all the while wishing things could have been different. Wishing, praying, that you will someday be able to look upon this wreck, and see a silver lining. But as you pray, you curse that which has been ruin under your breath. Or perhaps pray under your crusings. You look at the once-was mess that you used to know and, and you cry. But you also smile. You smile as you blink tears away trying to get a better look, because it could have been you. As much as you once loved or hated or feared whatever it is that you’re looking at, you’re just glad you got out before it fell. You look only for a short while. It’s a damn shame, but there isn’t a thing you can do. You walk away, and slowly, the long shadow cast by the ruble fades behind you. So I think thats why the song makes me cry; it makes me think of a good man I once knew, as the wreck that he is now, and it reminds me that there was damn little I could have done, and it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Quote

Dec. 5 Advent Calendar: In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt- “Sweet Little Lies.” PART 1.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Sweet Little Lies.”

If you haven’t read it, the prompt is a question. It asks ‘What are your (readers) personal beliefs on lying’. Basically. Well maybe not exactly, but that’s what I can remember so… That’s what I am writing about. I’m sorry.

My father was the best liar I know. I don’t mean this in a negative light, he is just great at lying. This skill of course was the end of his marriage. However, he was also an alcoholic, drug abusing, bipolar train wreck, and by the time I was five, he was out of the picture completely. He had left my family in shambles. But, my mother is of tough Aussie convict stock, and in a few years we were on our feet and doing well. I used to hold a lot of stuff against him, but recently I decided to let go; he is a man who made mistakes, and for those mistakes he suffers. He hasn’t been allowed to regularly see any of us (my siblings and I) for over 12 years. Despite what he did, he loves his family, and he is punished by our absence. He screwed me over in many ways, but he taught me how to lie.

While this may seem like a really negative skill, trust me it’s not. None the less, lying, as it is generally viewed, is a massive social faux-pas if not a malicous crime. If you get ‘caught’ in a lie, the punishment is often much greater than the punishment for other crimes. If get caught even once or twice, you are branded a liar (talk about a crimson letter). If you tell a lie think you’re a jerk. Basically lies are viewed as dirty tactics for dirty people. This is absolute bull shit.

Its no secret that everyone tells lies. It is very common knowledge. So, why does everybody seem to think that it is the worst of crimes? Short answer:

Everybody takes themselves way too seriously.

When we get lied to, we feel as if a personal affront has been made. It’s personal. We think that the offending party has directly insulted our intelligence, disregarded our trust, and dishonoured our person. In essence, we feel a lie is unworthy of us, and when realize we have been lied to, we get our feelings hurt. But everyone lies, so… what’s the deal? As I see it, we get offended so that the perfect balance of truth and untruth is maintained. If we all just let lies go, we would get trampled. People wouldn’t even lie to us; we don’t do anything when we know we have been lied too, so who cares. This seems like a possible benefit in the beginning; everyone being honest, nobody giving a shit otherwise. Eventually however, just as we gave up lying because nobody cared to rebuke us, we will give up doing the right thing because nobody cares. So, when we express offence at a lie, we shame the liar, nobody like to be shamed so the liar tries to lie less (I would say ‘the liar stops lying’ but as we know, that ain’t happenin’).

So if we get offended by lies to keep people from lying, why do we lie? Short answer:

We as humans, hate confrontation and the shame involved with it.

When you do something you know you’re not supposed to be doing and get caught, if you think you can change the story to make yourself look better, you most likely will. You don’t want to admit you just cut someone off because you were inconsiderate, you want to claim you had to get to a job interview. You lie so that things smooth over nicely for the other person and often yourself. You don’t want to tell your Grandmother that you never her fruit cake because you hate it, you want to tell her you can’t eat it because you are allergic to the stearic acid in the cake. You lie so as not to offend. So you lie to keep the peace.

What a wonderfully backward system: You lie so you don’t offend people, and you get offended by lies so that people don’t lie to you.

Dec. 4 Advent Calendar: Phone Etiquette (etiquette… heh, what a dumb sounding word)

So… apparently its the ninth. Just pretend like you didn’t know that. I want to get back on track with these advent posts so I will post more per day; hence the quality is going to suffer a little.

Ha… Ha… *sigh* That is a lie. The how can quality suffer if it’s already the poorest it can be. Like, if the quality of my posts could be measured through mass, and higher the mass the lower the quality and vice-versa, then my posts would be massive stars. Super massive stars. Oh, wait… what’s… oh, okay. So it turns out super massive stars turn into supermassive black holes. Great. My posts are black holes. Well, without further ado, lets make another black hole!

The Advent part of my post:

When people you don’t know (or do know) call, you can respectfully answer like an adult. Or… you could pick up the phone, and before they get a chance to talk, you could say:

“Hi, I’d like to order 3 _____s, a bottle of _____, and extra sauce please. The address is ______. Thats in (insert obscure northern german village). Thanks mate.” -Hang up-

Or if people call you asking to speak to someone else:

“Sure, you don’t need my permission”  -Hang up-

If someone ask you where someone else is:

“Hell.” (Or heaven, respectively)

If you don’t want to talk but don’t want to be rude (this only works if you’re driving):

-slam on the brakes while honking the horn- “OH (insert prefered explicative)! Oh god, ohhhhh god… I’m gonna have to have to call you back _____. I think I just hit  ____________.”  (‘my Grandma’ works well here)

If you don’t want to talk but don’t want to be rude (when you’re watching TV):

“Sorry ______, I can’t talk right now. I’m uh, at a… party, church, thingy… Its a, um… a funeral.” -to yourself- (“WHY did I say that”) “Yeah… its a funeral… for… my uh, (looking around for inspiration, gaze lands on TV) my viagra… penis… doctor… -to yourself- (“really, my viagra penis doctor”) Yeah, uh he was the guy that wrote my viagra prescription… (realizing you’re a woman/man with any self respect what so ever) But I didn’t need them…   Yeah I um, I think I should hang. The uh service is about to start.”

Or if you need to stop the CIA from tracking you:

“Hey ______ I am going through a tunnel.” -Throw phone as far as possible. Into water or directly at a wall are best.-

If you just need to hang up:

“I am going to hang up now. Go fuck yourself. Please.”

Dec. 3 Advent Calendar

(okay, you can do this, short advent post, take 3)

Over the course of my existence, I have met many people. Maybe we all feel this way, but out of those I have met, some are real characters. Some of those are real characters. The kind of folks that make you say, and I quote; “…wat…”. That’s right; you get so confused by them, that you forget the h in what. What’s more, you don’t even capitalize! you forget… Just like that. It can hard to tell if a person capitalizes when they talk, but sometimes; you just know you didn’t. It is some weapons grade confusion that these guys throw at you. But for all of the nonsense they send your way, they often give some good advice. Or rather, the confusing things they say can be misinterpreted as advice. Good advice. Really good advice. In fact one of these mystic-like people gave me the 3 best bits of advice I ever got. The guy I am referencing is, not surprisingly, the wisest person I know. His IQ is in 130-140 range, but you would never know; when you meet him, he looks, talks, and acts like he is stoned of his ass. When you engage him in a conversation though, its like you speak with the demigod son of Aesop and Athena. I am blessed to know some really wise people, but this guy is by far the wisest; I can say that confidently, as, he one of the few people I know, that does what ever the fuck his heart desires. Unsurprisingly, happiest person I know. The best advice he gave me was;

  • I should quit the U.S. education system, and learn what I want to learn
  • I should do something crazy, such as start working on an oil rig in Alaska at 16
  • Advice is inherently worthless; I need to learn my own lessons if I really want to live my life, so advice is probably the least useful thing I will ever get

These may all seem like pretty bad bits of advice (maybe not tho, cuz the last one tho, like, what do that mean? it so deep for me to undrstand), and by conventional standards, I guess they are bad. By my standards, the’re best. This is because they speak to me. They reach into my inner psyche to find and express in words the true desires of my heart. I think that is the way to tell if you just got good advice or bad/regular advice (both of which, are essentially as valuable as Hallmark Card greetings); Does the advice feel like it’s what you have been trying to say but had no words for? Does it express you?

Bottom line: Does the advice lead you to something good, or does it lead you to your desires?

Now, for something completely different;

(CEO speaking at what looks like a major advertising firm’s end of year party) Great job people! We got it got it done; a 500 word post.” *cheering* “It wasn’t a cake walk; It looked real grim at times.” *sighs of agreement* “The original 1000 word draft… the 600 word first edit… the oddly longer 760 word re-edit… the ridiculously short 4.5 word re-re-edit…” (someone in crowd) “it was fuckin’ tiny” (guest speaker in response to comment) “You’re right Dale, you are exactly right… That is indeed what she said.” *laughter* “But truly; outstanding job folks, outstanding. You took on a challenge, AND YOU GAVE BACK RESULTS!*cheering* “So have fun tonight; lord knows you’ve earned it… In fact he said he wouldn’t even be watching so…”  (leans head down shaking ‘no’ and chuckling)-{begin song fade in: Wizard by Martin Garrix. [Begin track at 1:00 min]. As song winds up, add fast image flashing of ‘Club’ scenes; dancing, drinking, partying. At the bass drop: 1/2 second close-up shot of a line of coke snorted through a rolled bill-[play at 1.25 speed] :after bass drop no more image flashing. Image flashing stops with dance club booth: actual shot will be of CEO character in same position at end of speech; starts with head down, quickly brings head up (almost wiplash maybe), eyes wide open, white dusting his nose.) END SCENE: BLANK-ROLL 12-483S; FOLLOWED BY ‘CLUB SCENE’. PRE-SHOT: CLEAR. BLANK-ROLL 13-192S:

Dec. 2nd Advent Calendar

I wont bore you with excuses, but I didn’t post this advent on the 2nd because of technical difficulties (everyone calm down, there are enough posts for all of you, I just need you to rema… SIR! Sir! I need you to back away from the doors, SIR JUST BACK AWA- *knocks man to the ground and points rifle at him* STAND THE FUCK DOWN! YOU WILL ALL GET POSTS, BUT YOU NEED TO MAINTAIN ORDER AND REMAIN CALM!) I had it written out the way I wanted it and included an explanation post because it is an important idea to me and felt like a more in-depth look would be good. Long story short, I lost the original by trying to delete something, then I lost the revised version (in this case ‘lost’ means the post got way too big for an advent post, and became the explanation post), then I lost the explanation post (which was fine because, the final version I wanted to publish explained itself better than the explanation could) and then I refreshed my page and lost the final draft.

All this to say, I am trying to keep my advent calendar promise, because its pretty fucking lame to start an advent calendar just to quit on the second day. Pretty lame indeed. So here is the 2nd Advent treat;

People say a lot of things, and knowing if they are lying or not is something that I wish I could do. As an INTP personality however, I don’t look that deeply into people very often because if I do, I will over-analyse and make revealing assessments; I have been many times called ‘brutally honest’. But this is another story. The main point is I have a difficult time handling emotions (vague, but that is what it’s like as an INTP, and no I am not diagnosed with aspergers). I do have a technique for gauging what people believe, or rather, determining if the belief in question is truly believed, or made convincing enough to accept. Here are the steps for determining true beliefs:

  1. Engage a person in a conversation about a popular debate topic: Gay Marriage, legalization of marijuana, or any political ever had.
  2. Ask them their point of view; what they ‘believe’. (Every one has a belief, even if it takes form of “I don’t believe in either side” or “I don’t care”. You should know, If they do say these things, they most likely don’t care. Some do, but they specifically chose to say they had no opinion, so they probably have reason, but I can’t help you there because I don’t know what it is).
  3. Once they have made their view clear, you will share that you hold the exact opposite opinion; even if you agree with them. (Remember, this is for science)
  4. Once you have done this they will do one of two things ( trust me, they will do one of these every… single… time… guaranteed).

A. They will let you have your belief.

OR;

B. They will bash you for it.

They may ask you what makes you think the way you do, what lead you to the idea, etc; this is not them bashing you, its genuine interest. Them bashing you is often subtle, but easier to identify, if you know what you’re looking for. It may be the, 1/2-second-long ‘you have no clue what your saying’ facial expression, the laugh-disguised-as-an-exhale snort, or a nearly imperceptible ‘is that so’ jump of the eye brow. It may be the disapproving comment disguised as concern, or the ever so mocking “I totally agree with you”. It may be many things, but make no mistake, they are bashing you. If you feel disrespected, the chances are astronomically high that you were. The fact is, if someone says they really hold a belief that they have actually only been convinced of, or told to agree with, they will find only weak truth in the belief, and weak truth cannot stand on its own. As such, they will need every one around them to have the same view, so that their ‘belief’, can remain unchallenged and therefore strong. They will try to convince you. Most people aren’t very persuasive though, so them trying to convince you looks less like a great sales pitch, and more like a public shaming. That is why you will feel disrespected instead of bamboozled. The point is that if they bash you, they are (incorrectly) trying to get you to believe what they do. They try to convince you of the validity of their belief because they have been convinced of it, but did not take on the belief as their own, on their own, making the belief weak. It’s not that they don’t agree with the belief, but it is not really theirs. *Texas accent engage* “You might look damn swell in a pair o’ trousers, but if they ain’t yours, you can’t be wearin’ um.”

(Holy shit this post got way out of hand. I thought it would be like six lines, max)

To summarize this bad boy:

People say they believe things, but they may not. It is good know what others really believe. If you want to know what someone really believes, get them to state a belief. Then contradict them by claiming to hold the opposite belief. If they let you have your belief and don’t bash you, it means, they respect your belief, just as much as they respect theirs. They are secure in their own belief; they may have been told about it, it may have been a suggestion, but it is theirs. They don’t need you to agree with them to find truth in their belief. They believe what they say they believe. Those that bash you, are not secure in their belief. They have been told the belief is true, and they are willing to hold it as their own, but they have not yet come to accept it by themselves, uninfluenced by others. Not fully accepting a belief, makes the truth of the belief, weak. People who have beliefs with weak truth strengthen their beliefs by having others agree. They do this because they want to believe their belief, and they want the truth of the belief to be true, but it feels like they can’t (because it is not truly ‘theirs’); of course if there is no belief that goes against theirs, theirs is right because no one can say it’s not.

Now to sum it up in two sentences… Why the fuck didn’t I just do this instead of writing a fucking book? Seriously, I would love to know what past me was thinking

If you contradict someones belief by having the opposite belief, and they try to bash/convince you, you can tell they don’t really believe what they say they believe because, if they try to bash/convince you it means they are unsure of the truth in their own belief, and need their belief to be the only belief to find truth.

If you contradict someones belief by having the opposite belief, and they let you have your belief, you can tell they do in fact believe what they say they believe because, if they let you have your belief it means they are sure of the truth in their own belief, and can handle you believing differently and still find truth.

Damn that was a big one Dale.

Seriously though, I could have just said “People who don’t bash you when you disagree with their opinions, really believe those opinions, because if they don’t bash you, it means they are sure of their own opinions no matter what yours are.” Like, this is not a popular blog. I, the author, am the sole reader of my blog, and my blog is based on my thoughts which I already know very well, so going through and explaining this fairly basic concept (which is only really a theory I have tested several times) in over 1300 words is completely pointless, BECAUSE NOBODY BUT ME WILL FUCKING READ THIS SHIT! DAMMIT!

merry Dec. 4, BTW, this is 2 days late.

son of a bitch

Dec. 1st Advent Calender: Internet Allegory

It goes along these lines: The internet is just like Conrad’s jungle; a mystical and deadly place. In this ‘jungle’, there is more treasure than one can imagine and more danger than one can conceive. It is the last frontier that all men want avoid in and yet will stop at nothing to conquer. It drags everyone closer and closer to its unknown heart. When men begin a journey into this grotesque land they are explorers, adventurers, scientists, soldiers, they are the Empire Builders traveling to the blank part of a map, for the glory or the knowledge. They will make harbor on the uncharted land and will create villages and towns named Google, or Firefox, or Safari. They will make wonderful discoveries on the edge of this place such as, YouTube, E-Mail, or Spotify and will be thus drawn into the unholy center. As they venture closer to the mysteries that lie within inner valleys and mountains, the stories of the beasts and riches that lie futher still, will turn into the shadows in of the deep jungle. These will become the vague figures far in the mist, who will become the quick and slight disturbances of the foliage that edge closer with every step farther from shore. The shaking branches and rustling leaves will soon be known as the inhabitants of the jungle, but they will be revealed as savages in the extreme; cannibals to haunt this exotic land, internet trolls. They will not fear the cannibals at first, for they are armed with the most advanced of weaponry, logic and polite words. Powerful outside of this dark continent, these knives and guns will have little to no effect; these weapons are not made for the jungle, they are not suited to be used here.The explorers will want to leave this cruel place, but will not, for they are following the trails of gold that draw them ever closer to center. Some will fall immediately to the cruel, rough, arrows and spears known as provocative comments and calling someone a faggot. Some will try to fight, but they will never win, even the greatest of the Adventures, one known as Pew Die Pie, will cut off his very ears so as not to hear the incessant wailing of the trolls. Few will be able to carry forward and withstand the onslaught of anger, some returning to the safety of the outposts and forts, some leaving the evil land all together, but many will fall to the curse of the land, an sickness, an insanity. Those that fall victim to the lands contorted nature will become wild; they forget basic grammar, they will act rashly, and they will attack those that are their friends. The will be driven mad and will suspect all of malicous intent. Soon the sickness will take greater hold on them and they will use the insanity as power, wielding it crazily. They will be gripped fully by darkness, and will become what they most fear; a cannibal.

So yeah that’s basically what the internet seems like to me; a fascinating jungle full of great things, but if we aren’t careful, it is just as easily be a pit from hell that makes us bat shit crazy.  

December 1st, a good day to start a blog…

…Or possibly the worst day, I haven’t done this before so I can’t say it isn’t. It could easily be a massive internet taboo to start a blog on the 1st, and because I have so been callously ignorant, I would have to suffer the wrath of the dangerous ‘First curse’ (see what I did there, you see that *briefly points finger and slightly glances to the left*…  that’s a rhyme that doesn’t technically rhyme, a slant rhyme, a half rhyme dawg. High school English bitch, its what you need to get! Oh shit I did it again, that’s right ‘nother slant rhyme fo y’all. TRY AN BEAT ME! {please don’t though}). The idea of it being a curse goes along with my general idea of the internet and the people involved, but that’s another story. I will however make up a back story on this whole curse thing so I can latter blame what ever might go wrong with this blog on itI think it might be fun. Because I need content to post and I have none. Yeah, right, now I remember; I have no content and I want to start a blog… Life choices, there are good ones and bad ones. In any case, I am writing a blog because… I could say I love writing and want to express myself but that is not entirely true it’s actually 100% California raised Grass-fed Bull Shit. The truth is I just want a place were I can say something in a way that makes people actually listen without them waiting for a turn to speak. I have long believed that while the spoken word is powerful, the written word is even more powerful (for a large number of reasons), but chiefly because the words are longer lasting, they can be read, re-read, and shared encouraging deeper though and feeling, and most importantly, by nature are single sided and require reading, therefore not allowing the recipient to absentmindedly listen (often completely missing the point) while formulating a rash argumentative rebuttal. People have to handle writing differently than speech, because to actually consider the idea of a piece of literature it is to contemplate rather than engage. In one of my favorite movies the main character says: “When people think you’re dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just…” his thought finished by another character “waiting their turn to speak.” While it has an ironic delivery considering my point, the line illustrates how people will let the dying speak without interruption, in the same way a person must let the writing speak.

I am becoming intensely sidetracked So I think I should just hit the rest of the bullet points of my intro and get this posted;

  • I am writing a blog with no definite theme, but there many will be anecdotes about my life
  • I really try not to rant but on special occasion I might (see-definitely will)
  • Not to unload to much baggage, but I do life with depression, ADD, mommy issues, daddy issues, family issues, etc, etc (but everyone has issues)
  • This being said I have a lot of really great things in my life. I am not one of those annoying optimist, but I keep the nice things in mind, because I have tried keeping shitty things in mind and I am not a fan
  • This blog will be a lot about my thoughts, which are sporadic as fuck, so you may find my posting hard to follow; my apologies in advance
  • I am going to try to be as honest as possible here, and to a point, I will try to forget that I am writing to the segment of the public that has so much time on their hands that they read complete rubbish such as this
  • I try to be sparring, but cuss words really accentuate feeling so I will use them when I feel I need to. For example; wiener
  • I will try to avoid sensitive subjects… That is a massive lie, this is my blog I will write about what I feel like writing about. I will however avoid politics… probably… maybe… I will not avoid politics
  • I will use ellipsis, commas, semicolons, colons, hyphens, question marks, exclamation points, and a shit ton of periods. I will never use the ampersand sign; we had a falling out several years ago.
  • I will be doing an advent calender (because I started on Dec 1st) of advice and quotes and things but don’t get your hopes up; they will all be my own
  • Don’t hate, but if you do then I get it. Just know, I am sorry for whatever it was I said, I will try not to say it again, and go have a cookie or something to make your self feel better.
  • I have terrible grammar and spelling, sorry if it hurts your eyes
  • *insert whatever else I forgot to say*